Back to Writing: My Self-Expression Story

Two months.

Two months of not publishing, not finishing anything.

It is a long time.

Because of studies and exams, I was too tired to continue writing.

Maybe I should have pushed through.

Writing is one of my healthiest hobbies and gives me great benefits.

This is a way to get my thoughts, ideas, and feelings out of my head. When I take writing away, I start to bottle everything up.

I had no idea what I was feeling or thinking because I did not give myself a moment to listen and hone in on what was inside the silence. Nothing was coming out anymore, and I escaped through reading, listening to music, and watching videos.

So now I am restarting a practice that is very important to me. Publishing gives me motivation to write more, to get my thoughts in some sort of order. It feels like a commitment, even if nobody reads what I write.

Admittedly, writing every day is challenging, and producing finished pieces is even harder.

What stops me is that I feel like my thoughts have no substance, no real meaning or value.

And maybe they do not.

But with writing and reading and constant practice, I will get better and better until I have some ideas I can nurture.

I’ve noticed a pattern in my life: I become obsessed with projects and ideas until I bring them to fruition. Whether it’s how I dress, my paintings, or other creative endeavours, once an idea takes hold, I feel compelled to see it through. It does not matter what quality it is; if I tried my best, then it is enough. Expressing myself in this way is essential; it allows me to feel lighter and frees up space for new thoughts and inspirations.

Self-expression is a topic that resonates deeply with me. It’s not just about writing; it’s about finding outlets for my ideas and emotions. For me, one of the most prominent forms of self-expression is through my style and clothing choices.

Maybe it sounds a bit shallow, but it is the truth.

Anyway, who cares if it is a bit shallow? Either way, I like pretty things, and I believe that there is nothing wrong with it.

Dressing up has always been a joy for me. It’s like stepping into different roles each day and becoming someone new. But when I don’t have the time to put together an outfit, I feel a bit off, like something’s missing.

I’ve loved dressing up since I was little, especially playing with my sisters. We’d pretend to be princesses, maids, musketeers, queens — you name it. Our old bed sheets became our costumes, and we’d wander around the house, getting lost in our imaginations. Acting out these roles was the highlight of our days.

It was so much fun!

As we got older, we stopped the make-believe games, but my love for creative dressing persisted. I even dreamed of becoming a fashion designer at one point, driven by a desire to create beauty. Although that dream shifted over time, the urge to create something beautiful never left me; it just took different forms.

I really experimented with how I dressed up in middle school and in high school. I used to wear my hair with long scarves wrapped around it, like a ponytail extension. At one point in middle school, someone commented that I looked like an anime character.

I probably really did.

I created confidence in how I looked around that time. My philosophy was that if you were confident in yourself, nobody could make fun of your looks.

And it worked.

When I became confident in how I looked and said to my bullies faces that I liked whatever I was wearing at the time, they left me alone.

Then I went to an art high school.

That was fun!

Nobody cared how you looked. The weirder you looked, the more you fit in. I could have stains from oil painting; nobody said a thing because everybody had them and they were also so exhausted that they really did not care. It was an open place to experiment and be anybody you want to be.

No restrictions, no judgment.

I believe everyone should find a way to express themselves, no matter how small or unconventional. It could be through writing, art, fashion, or any other form of creativity. Find a way to just be themselves, even for a moment.

It could be the smallest of things.

I hope you find your way!