This week has been so overwhelming. I’ve been in the UK for a full seven days now, and today is the first day I’ve had completely to myself. But, I ended up sleeping through half of it! Once I finally got up, I decided to go for a walk around the city and stumbled upon a beautiful park. (As I’m writing this, it’s Saturday.)
Everything here feels so different. The houses are tiny and so uniform. Each street looks almost identical, and it’s strange to see such symmetry everywhere. It’s not something I’m used to.
Honestly, my brain is exhausted. Being surrounded by English 24/7 is draining. I know the language, but speaking it all the time is still a challenge. It’s like I’ve lost the ability to express myself freely. I have thoughts, but they get stuck in my head, unable to come out properly. It’s frustrating.
On top of that, the mental strain is real. Every little thing requires thought and effort — figuring out what to eat, how to navigate, and just adapting to an entirely new environment. Nothing is familiar, so I’m constantly problem-solving. It’s tiring to speak, and even more tiring to think.
I really hope that studying here won’t be as difficult. I’m just wishing for normal classes and some sense of routine. I need a structure, something to anchor my day.
Another struggle has been the lack of close connections. While I’ve made new friends here, I miss having someone from home to talk to — someone familiar like my mom, friends, or sister. Back home, I’d talk to them at the end of each day, and it’s hard not having that comfort here. Sitting alone in my room, it’s hard not to focus on how challenging this experience is. I don’t feel truly lonely, just out of place, and I can’t escape into my own thoughts like I usually do because I don’t feel settled yet.
Even basic tasks feel overwhelming. Every meal needs to be planned, and I’m constantly realizing I’m missing essentials I took for granted, like cooking oil or salt.
And then there’s my schedule. I only have Wednesdays off, which makes long weekend trips impossible. I would have loved having Fridays or Mondays free to explore further, but for now, I’ll have to stick to shorter trips around the area.
I feel like I should be pushing myself more, trying harder to be productive, but I’m just so mentally drained. Am I asking too much of myself? I need to remind myself that it’s okay to be exhausted after such a big transition. I shouldn’t expect miracles from myself right now.
Later tonight, I’m supposed to go to a party. I don’t have to go, but I promised myself I’d try to be as social as possible. It’s a weird feeling — I don’t want to go, yet I know I’ll regret it if I don’t.
I’m really tired, and the stress is starting to catch up with me. There’s so much I want to do, like working on my book, but I feel drained. Plus, I need to cook. Ugh. I really don’t want to. Then there’s planning future trips, preparing for classes, and so many other things piling up.
But the best part of this week has been the people I’ve met. I’ve come across so many wonderful individuals who are a joy to be around. Some have become more than just acquaintances, and I no longer feel completely isolated. It’s starting to feel like I’ll actually enjoy my time here.
I’m hoping to build a routine in the coming weeks — studying, writing, cooking, and traveling. I’ve explored most of Lincoln by now, and I’m excited to see more of the UK. Next weekend, I’m definitely planning to visit other cities!